Two years ago yesterday I was probably at one of the lowest points of my life. It marked 3 years that we were trying to have a baby, I had a miscarriage a few weeks prior, my IUI was just cancelled due my crappy ovaries/eggs, it was near the EDD of Luke, and it was the night of my 30th birthday party. I was "supposed" to be done having kids by 30.
In that fog of what seemed like the universe shitting on me, there was no hope. Only frustration, anger and sadness.
That night at my party, I drank...a lot. I felt like my body punished and betrayed me, so I was going to punish it right back.
That night Corinne was conceived and about two weeks later that fog of frustration, anger and pain started to lift.
Two years later, it's a changed world. I had no idea how different my life would be two years later. There are times when I think (especially at 3a when both kids are crying at the same time, or when I'm just trying have 30 seconds to pee without playing defense with a small hand trying to snake its way into the toilet bowl) "WTF did I get myself into?!?"
But I know how incredibly blessed and damn lucky I am to be in that place with not just one, but TWO beautiful and healthy kids. it's like winning the lottery twice in a row.
I feel part guilty as well, as there are women out there who have been at this game much longer. Why did I get so lucky and they didn't?
It's amazing the difference such a short timeframe of two years can make. I wish I could tell myself from two years prior "it will be ok. Promise."
