Bath Time!

For the first time today, I got to see her without all her wires and tubes, and even helped with the bath. I have to admit, she's a good lookin' kid! (In my totally un-biased opinion, of course.)

She freaked out initially during the bath, but then quickly calmed down and actually appeared to enjoy herself. I guess we have a water baby on our hands!

Before her bath:

Day at the Spa De NICU:

A picture to embarass her with in 15 years (for some reason, frog legs come to mind):

Drying off:

And re-hooked up to head back into her incubator. I couldn't watch when they put the feeding tube back in through her nose. But, the nurse gave her some sugar water right before, and Corinne fell asleep halfway through the insertion process.

The name

I would like to make a formal apology with the statement of "D'oh! Our bad." to Corinne.

When M and I were discussing names for a future son/daughter, the criteria was as follows:
1) Easy to spell
2) No yoo-neek spellings (replacing the "i"s with "y"s is lame)
3) Easy to pronounce
4) Not a stripper name (no sense in saddling her with daddy issues before she's even out of the womb). Sadly, "Alexis", one of the possible contenders, failed this particular criteria.

I researched the name Corinne, as I knew it could be spelled different ways. I searched for the most common, most traditional spelling out there. Where if a person follows the standard rules of English pronunciation, there is only one way to pronounce the name. I thought I did my homework.

So far, I'd venture to say that 75% of people have royally effed up either the pronunciation or the spelling of her name. Apparently, we failed #1 and #3 above (miserably). Now, the poor girl is going to have to go through life forever correcting people.

Oops. Our bad, sweetheart. When your future resume gets thrown out by an HR person because of the difficulty of your name, you can thank us. We'll try to do better with the next kid. Pinky swear.

And in case anyone is wondering....it's pronounced Kuh-rin or Cor-rin (rhymes with "inn"), depending on how lazy you are with your vowels.

2 weeks old today

I made cupcakes for the NICU nurses as a thank you, and put in a little flag into each one:

The big news today is that she is over the 3 lb mark, and grew 1/2 inch in the last week, so she's grown 3/4 inch since her birth two weeks ago. Her IV line was taken out of her leg today, which made me very happy. This means that she is getting all nutrition via the feeding tube. Each feeding, about 27ccs (I think?) of my breastmilk are being delivered to her stomach via the feeding tube through her nostril.

They are trying to introduce her to clothes as a way to help her regulate her body temperature (yeah, doesn't really make sense to me either, but whatevs). So today, she had this on:

On a side note, I'm about a pound away from my pre-pregnancy weight. However, I still I have a belly (but it is smaller than it was, and not as cute).

A week before giving birth:

2 weeks after giving birth:

It's weird....my belly just looks oddly deflated. It's kinda lumpy and colorful (from bruises).



Kitty Zen Picture of the Day

Out of the entire bed, pile of blankets, and two stacks of clean clothes, the cat decided that the dark, clean dress pants was the only suitable place to sit/shed white fur on.

Apparently, she has high class tastes.

Sleepers

Tonight, her feedings were increased to 15ccs of breast milk at each feeding session (every three hours). Her jaundice levels went down to 6-something today (from 10-something the day before). The Drs decided to keep her on the jaundice lights for one more day in an effort to drive those jaundice levels down to a place where they won't come back. I'll be very happy once they permanently remove her from the lights and she no longer has to wear those fabric sunglasses and we can see those beautiful gray eyes all the time (except for when they are closed, of course).

She weighed in a 2lbs 12 oz today. I can start to see the weight gain in her cheeks and arms. She's starting to get the cute baby chub. Here's a compare picture:


12 days old



5 days old


I snapped this picture of her today, and then turned around and snapped the next picture. Like father, like daughter:


Sleeper #1



Sleeper #2

Although, pot, meet kettle:

 The NICU we are in has enough room for 16 babies. When Corinne first arrived, there were about 10 or so babies in the NICU. She was the youngest baby by far, and we saw many rooms empty out in the days following her birth as those babies all went home with their parents. I didn't actually SEE the babies go home, all strapped in their car seats. That image would be hard to see, since it is a clear reminder of what I want so bad. I'm glad that we are tucked away at the end of hall, so I don't have to see those filled car seats being paraded by. Rather, I just see another empty room with a sign on the door saying that it has been cleaned and disinfected.

Sometime this morning, a woman at 31w delivered a little boy. I walked past his NICU room and saw her in the hospital gown with her 31 weeker. I recognized that look on her face and overhead the nurses giving her their first day in the NICU spiel. I didn't stop to introduce myself. Maybe I'll see her again in the days to come.

It's a weird feeling knowing that we've been doing the NICU parent thing for 12 days now. In a way, it seems like we've been doing it for months. I know the drill, I know the routine. I know the beeps the machines make...which ones are "bad" beeps, which ones are normal and annoying beeps. I can change her diaper like a pro, despite the 10,000 wires that get in the way. I know which positions she likes and which ones she doesn't like. I know how to comfort her when her breathing and heartrate gets erratic. I've found my voice and can tell the nurse on duty what Corinne likes and doesn't like. Example: she doesn't like the pacifier. Today, a nurse put a paci in her mouth and left the room. When she came back a minute later, Corinne had taken the paci and thrown in against the opposite wall in her isolette. (One of the reasons that I only registered for a grand total of two pacifiers. The other reason why I don't like them: they seem like germ factories. )

A friend came to visit us today in the NICU. He asked me how M has changed since becoming a father, and asked M how I have changed since becoming a mother. I answered that M hasn't really changed. I see him in a different role....someone who loves and is enamored with Corinne as much as I am. I wouldn't say M or I have changed in the past 12 days....we have just added another role. Corinne's parents/adoring fans.

Seriously, how could a person NOT be totally enamored with this:

Weight Loss, Weight Gain

Weight Loss:
I am down about 18 pounds from 10 days ago. I have been re-introduced to my wedding rings and my normal shoes. I have ankle bones again! I think the "night sweats" are to thank for it. The night sweats started three nights ago, and have caused me to wake up in a pool of my own sweat multiple times a night. Tasty!

Weight Gain:
Our little rockstar is weighing in at 2lbs 11oz, and is eating 12.5cc of breast milk at each feeding! She was taken off the jaundice lights, then put back on the next day, then taken off the day after that. As long as her levels stay below 9, she won't go back on the jaundice lights, and we can take the dreaded velco stickers off her head, which her little "sunglasses" attach to:

The hated white velcro circles



Under the jaundice lights with the "sunglasses"

On another note...I got peed on for the first time today! I'm well aware that the only people who will find this fact remotely interesting and not "Dude, I didn't need to know that" are M and me. But it's a good story: I was changing her diaper (I knew it needed changing because I could hear and feel the ass-plosion as I held her), got her all clean, with a nice clean diaper all ready to be taped up, and I see a huge stream of pee fly out of her and hit my hand. Which required hand-washing #2, clean-up #2, and clean diaper attempt #2.

Tonight, they swapped out her isolette. Apparently, it needs to be done every 10 days, so that mold/mildew/germs/bacteria/etc do not build up. She was disconnected from her monitors as M held her and her "home" was swapped out for a nice clean one. She gave us some funny faces tonight. I think her new favorite pose is a kissy face pose:


The "thinker"



What was IN that milk?


Since I'm mostly playing photographer, there's not too many pictures of Corinne and I, but here we are doing "kangaroo time":

And, this is how you make a baby burrito:

32w1d (gestational), 1w (actual)

Baby's weight/size: She measured 2lb, 8.6oz and 15.25 inches. In the last week, she gained 5.6oz (assuming her birth weight was recorded correctly) and grew 0.25 inches.
Mother's weight: -13lbs (up 10 pounds from pre-pregnancy)
Post-Partum Symptoms: I experienced night sweats for the first time. Each time I woke up, the sheets were soaked, along with me, whatever I was wearing. Good times!

I'm one red hot mess

We went to a "Baby Essentials" class today, where we learned about "diapering, feeding, calming, bathing, etc your new baby up to 8 weeks old". I had registered for this class about 2 months ago. Needless to say, we were the only ones in the class with an "outside" baby. Overall, the class was really good.

However, it also scared me as well. The class talked about breastfeeding and bottle feeding. Pretty much, the take home message was that within the first 8 weeks, if you want to breastfeed, there should be no pacifiers and no bottles. Or else you can say goodbye to any hope of breastfeeding successfully. This class was run by a L+D nurse with over 20 years of experience. Now, this is an issue, because the NICU gives her pacifiers as part of her development, and they will start giving her bottles around 35 weeks to help with growth. I spoke to the NICU nurses about that, and they said that it won't cause an issue and I should be able to breastfeed without an issue. I hate getting conflicting information. Especially when it's about something that I've always felt strongly about and wanted to do (breastfeed).

We also learned about flat head/cradle cap/other things that can go wrong if the proper care and attention isn't delivered 24/7. Most of this stuff won't matter when she's older, but for the first few months of life, it's so important. This also scared the crap out of me, as I spoke to our HR department, and I only get FMLA for 12 weeks, which would require me to put her in daycare when she is 2 weeks old (gestationally speaking). I can apply for additional leave, but our HR department is notorious for being "letter of the law sticklers", where even if my boss/department approves the additional time off, many times, HR won't since not all departments/bosses are as willing to work with their employees as mine is. Pretty much, it's a way to protect themselves for being sued for unfair treatment. I'm not going to put her in day care when she's two weeks old (gestationally). Her immunity system won't be up to par, she won't have one on one care, the idea of feeding her every 2-3 hours during the night and then working all day (while trying to pump every 2 hours) is sending me into a panic.

Here's what it comes down to. I don't want to return to work. The thought of leaving her at daycare is freaking me out. I start crying whenever I think about it. I maybe could do it when she's 3 months old (gestationally speaking). But if I had my way, I would take a year off. I have no issue with day care after a year old (I actually think it's a good idea, as it will help her to learn social skills).

So, the stress of thinking about leaving her at day care, the stress of pumping every 2-3 hours, the stress of lack of sleep (since I am pumping every 2-3 hours), the stress of not being able to drive and being dependent on someone else every time I want to go see Corinne, or get a bite to eat, or run an errand, or do anything, the stress of the pain of the c section, the stress of wondering each time I talk to the doctor they will have bad news for me, the stress of not being able to just drop everything and go to sleep, the stress of not being alone with my own thoughts, the stress of wondering why my feet are still swollen, the stress of wondering if my incision hurting is "normal" or "abnormal", the stress that I'm not pumping enough, or getting enough milk, or that my milk isn't good enough, the stress that I'll bring a bad germ into the NICU or I won't wash my hands good enough before I touch her, or that I'll do anything that could cause her harm. Just so much stress. I'm one red hot mess. I feel like I'm one step away from tears at any given moment. Or, I'm already crying. I don't want to have to explain my tears each time, because there's not just -one- thing that is making me cry...rather it's the culmination of everything. I just want to bring her home. I want to be able to touch her when I want, and not on someone else's schedule, or wondering how I'm affecting someone else's schedule.

Both M and I did Kangaroo time today with her. She was not a happy camper when she was first moved from the isolette. But, M used a techinque for claming babies we had just learned in the class, and within 10 seconds, it worked like a charm. He changed her from a screaming (girl has a set of lungs on her!) baby to a calm baby in a few seconds!



Screaming baby




Contented baby (I love how the little foot is sticking out)

 Earlier today, I changed her diaper. Up until now, the poopy diapers have been small poops, "clean" poops...nice poops. However, when I opened up her diaper today, holy moley, it was like a green monster was killed, maimed, mutilated, left to rot and die in her diaper. The suppository did its job! Her intestines must have been squeaky clean after that! After I got her all cleaned up, the new diaper was in place, she decided to let loose again and peed everywhere. So, one diaper change required the use of two diapers, and at least 5 wipes.

She hates sleeping on her back in the isolette. She does have a favorite position. I hope her "favorite position" is up for negotiation in a few months, as one she's at home, the whole "sleeping on the stomach" thing isn't going to fly. But for now, while in the isolette, she can pretty much sleep in whatever position she wants. Here is her favorite:

She HATES this position:

The fastest 90 minutes of my life

Up until now, when we've been able to hold her, it's only for 20 minutes stretches at a time. It was more important for her to spend time under the jandice lamps then in our arms/hands. However, the nurse that we had yesterday, thought the opposite since her janudice number went down. M held her for about 20 minutes:

And then Corinne was passed off to me. I was anticipating 20 minutes with her as well, but the nurse kept coming in a checking on her, remarking how well she was doing, and her numbers looked great while she was being held, so I should keep doing it.

I held her for 90 minutes. It was awesome. The happiness was akin to going to Disneyworld and finding out that they only let 10 people into the park for the day, and you're one of them. Oh, and they give you free ice cream and wine too. Sadly, that 90 minutes was also the fastest 90 minutes of my life too. It went by sooooo quickly.

So, this is interesting: The doctors are thinking that her birth weight was recorded incorrectly. At an ultrasound we had about week before she was born, they estimated her to be 2 pounds, 15 ounces. Now, of course, ultrasound guesses aren't the most accurate. It is said that they can be about a pound off at birth (guessing 8 pounds, but the baby only weighs 7 pounds, which is an error of around 15% or so).

After delivery, the weight drops down, since the baby is losing all the extra fluids. She looked a lot more "plump" at birth, and now her little skin is wrinkling as that extra fluid dissapates. However, her weight never "dropped" down. Rather, it spiked up. So, the doctors are considering that she maybe weighed 2 pounds 13 ounces, instead of 2 pounds 3 ounces.

There's no way to confirm for sure. Her birth certificate will have 2 pounds, 3 ounces recorded on it.

M and I were suppossed to celebrate his birthday today. We were going to head to a fancy smancy dinner, and have cake at home afterwards. Well, the events of this last week made us change our plans a bit.

We visited Corinne until about 6:30p last night. Then, M, my mom, and I went to dinner at an Asian place. not a fancy smancy Asain place....but it was tasty!

Afterwards, we went back to the house and had cake. I wonder what he wished for as he blew out the candles. I imagine that for the last 3 or birthdays, he's wished for a child (we were both anxious riders on the baby train). Well, this year, it looks like that wish was fulfilled a bit earlier than we were thinking. She didn't exactly come wrapped up in a box, but this was a pretty damn good birthday present:

  

It was such a good present, that after we had a cake, I went back to the hospital (my mom was kind enough to give into my whims and drove me there around 10:00 last night so I could get my Corinne-fix in). I changed her diaper, and they gave me a load of her laundry to do at home (which I wasn't expecting). In the "laundry bag" are two blankets made by volunteers.

Discharged

Today I was discharged from the hospital. We left around 8:30p, and it was really hard to go. I put my hands in the incubator and held her head and bottom as she slept. I cried. A lot. I'm crying as I type this now. It's so hard to know that my baby girl isn't just down the hall. These next 6-8 weeks before she can come home are going to be hard. I know I'll get into a rhythm of sorts, but I just want her home with us. I want to be able to hold, touch, and talk to her whenever I want.

M packed up all our stuff and wheeled it out to the car. We received some lovely flowers from friends, family, and co-workers:

And when we got home, I saw that our neighbors had decorated our mailbox, celebrating our new arrival:

We did two kangaroo sessions today. The first one was with M and the second on was with me. Once again, the NICU nurse had to pick the hairs off Corinne after doing kangaroo time with M, which totally cracks me up, since I am the one always being blamed in this household for clogging the sink with hair.
During my kangaroo time, the nurse put her up to my breast. There was some dried breastmilk on the nipple, and I felt her licking it. She won't be able to do the suck, swallow, breathe process that is required for breastfeeding for awhile. But, her tongue can taste sweet tastes. Hopefully she enjoyed the dried milk taste!

Corinne LOVES kangaroo time. She alternates between deep sleep and looking around, trying to take it all in.

 We also took some time today during one of the holding sessions to look at her palm lines. It looks like she has my palm lines. It was like she knew that we were trying to see her palm, so she stuck it up in the air for up to admire. The NICU nurse had a good idea to photograph her palm, in comparison with ours:

I love this photo. I imagine it's going to be one of many along the years where she says "Geez, Mom! Cut it out with the pictures already! You're embarassing me!"

I've noticed that I get more milk with each pumping when I touch her as I pump. I spend about 20 minutes every 2-3 hours in this position, and I love it (she loves it too and this position calms her down in little time, since I'm "containing" her...just like the ute would if she was still in it). Due to her age, she doesn't enjoy being stroked, since her skin is too sensitive. However, she does enjoy being contained by hands. Hands are warm, soft, and have a heartbeat...much like the walls of the ute do.

Of course, I'm not the only one who can't keep my hands to myself (Corinne is just too damn cute and touch-able). I never get tired of watching M with her. She looks so adorable in his hands.

When she doesn't feel "contained", she flails arounds. As cute as the flailing is (and it totally provides an awesome video opportunity), it burns calories. At this point, the calories she takes in should be dedicated to growing, not flailing:

She has been taken off breastmilk, since she wasn't digesting it. Rather, it was just sitting there and not being moved through her system efficently. Hopefully, her GI system will mature soon and she can start taking nutrition through the feeding tube again.

Our own Oolong

During one of the holding sessions today, we decided to put our rings on her head to show her size. Copious amounts of jokes about Oolong, the internet sensation rabbit followed.

On a side note, her eyes are beyond gorgeous. She has M's eyes for sure.

Our little rock star has gained 5 ounces since she was born on Monday. She still has a long way to go, but I'm so proud over her weight gain. Some parents are proud because their kid scored the winning shot in the national championships...I'm probably MORE proud over a 5 ounce weight gain. I always said that I would try my best not to bore my friends to tears over "ZOMG my kid is so awesome" stories (because I'm been on the receiving end of that conversation waaaay too many times), but at least with this blog, I can be that annoying-as-hell parent. Score!

Here she is getting weighed (child nudity included):

I'm to be discharged tomorrow. I'm so not looking forward to it. I love the flexibility of returning to my room when I want, or going to the NICU on a whim whenever I want. Plus, it's going to be really hard leaving this hospital (yet again) with empty arms. Granted, this time is very much different, as the chances of me coming back in about two months and leaving with a child in my arms is very high. I can't wait for that day and to take her home. I want to hold her and kiss her 24 hours a day, whenever I want, without worrying whether her oxygen levels are up, whether her cords are hanging correctly, and all the other things that an NICU parent worries about.

M is going back to work on Monday. I don't envy him. I know it's going to be difficult to concentrate at work, knowing that his daughter is still in the hospital. Plus, the scheduling of it as well. For the most pat, we enjoy our nights after work. M may work out, get some dinner, relax, etc. Now, there's going to be the added priority of driving to the hospital to see his baby girl each night too.

Kangaroo Time

Today, Matt and I got to have "kangaroo time" with Corinne. It kills me that we're only able to hold her twice a day (for about 20 minutes each). Anything more than that will provide too much stimulation to her, and could impede her progress. I want to hold her all the time...24 hours a day if I could.

For the two times we got to hold her today, we did kangaroo time. The March of Dimes describes this time as:

Kangaroo care is the practice of holding your diapered baby on your bare chest (if you're the father) or between your breasts (if you're the mother), with a blanket draped over your baby's back. This skin-to-skin contact benefits both you and your baby.

I had her for the first shift this morning (good god, I look like walking death -apparently, I lost a lot of blood during the c section, so they are monitoring my anemia levels-):

As the nurse was putting her back, she commented on how much she looks like M, so she had M hold her up to his face to compare:

This afternoon, M had the second shift of kangaroo time:

Funny story...after the nurse put Corinne back in her bed, she noticed that she had a bunch of hairs stuck to her. Apparently, M shed on our daughter!

Corinne was so content during each of the holdings. She made the cutest little sounds, and I loved holding her little bottom, legs, and feet in my hands.

The nurse had to prick her heel to test for sugar levels (I think?). Poor little girl wasn't a happy camper.

It's 10:20p and I'm tired right now. I had planned to go to bed, but I think I'll page the nurse and ask for someone to push me down to the NICU. I want to see her so much. My milk is coming in, and I think I'll combine a pumping with being able to spend time with her.

Update: I went down to the NICU and spent some quality time with her. She was under the lights, so I held her hand and her head. While I was situating myself (it's a serious process...camera, water bottle, cell phone, pump cords, etc), I listened to her cry, which made ME cry. It was one big cry fest. To my surprise, I looked down, and my left boob had leaked all over my gown in response to her crying. Funny how nature works.

So, I sat down next to her bed, held her hand and her head, hooked my boobs up to the pumper, and got the most breast milk I have so far (I did two cycles).

I also decided to take a few pics to "compare the sizes" on her.

The cuteness of her feet. Ack! So freaking cute!

I had her hold my engagement ring:

I also got to change her diaper for the first time tonight. M has done it twice so far. It's a bit tricky, since I have to finangle my way around all the cords that are down there. But, it was still pretty cool to  be doing stuff like this that any "normal" mom would be doing. I imagine that the "ZOMG, I'm actually changing a diaper" feeling will soon be replaced with "So, who else wants to change a poopy diaper?"

One day old

First off, I want to shout to the world that I am in love. Which is a good thing, as I have been dealing with some personal emotions throughout this pregnancy. I was estastic to be pregnant, I was excited about a baby, but I never really felt "connected" to this baby like I was to Luke. I was "in love" with him from day one. This baby, while I was sure I would love her eventually, I wasn't in love with her during the pregnancy. I felt guilty about this, and hence never really vocalized it.

In the hospital, there is a white board in each room where the nurse writes down your "goal" for the day. These goals are usually similar to: pain control, rest, walk two laps, etc. The nurse asked me last night what my goal for the next day was. I answered "Keep a baby alive". I don't think she was that prepared for that level of honesty, as she looked a me like I was an alien and said "Is this something you're concerned about?" Ummmm...yeah. That's been pretty much my overall goal for the last 7 months. However, being totally honest about my "goal" did win me a quick trip to the NICU this morning so I could see that yes, my baby was still alive and has a very high chance of staying that way. The nurse placed her in my arms, and she was warm. A nice little warm snuggly body. I loved touching her and looking at her, but there was a piece of me reserved with the thought of "OK, so whose baby is this? Because if she starts crying, I'm passing her off to someone who knows what they are doing." The thought that she was mine was a bit foreign. I honestly felt like I was holding someone else's baby.

Later on that day, we took another field trip to the NICU. I was able to stay for much longer (a few hours). I wasn't able to hold her (she was under the jaundice lights), but I was able to put my hands into her incubator and touch her. Sometime during that process, I realized that she was mine. And that I loved her. And that she is my everything. I watched M with her, and my heart melted.

I made my first "executive mommy" decision today. One of the NICU nurses brought in some knitted hats and clothes that kind southern ladies have knitted for preemies. I asked her that she not put any clothes on Corinne while she is in the incubator (hats were OK). I know her skin in sensitive, and she would probably not enjoy being put in a little vest made out of yarn (I wouldn't like it either), no matter how cute it is. I'll save the cute but impractical outfits for when her skin is stronger.

I started pumping breastmilk today. To my surprise, I have actually been able to produce some. Not a huge amount...more like 1/8 of a ounce, if that. But, I'm surprised that the ta-tas are actually working like they are suppossed to. I've been pumping every 2-3 hours (M is keeping a schedule...he's excited about this, as the schedule is similar to Excel), and I have been able to get a tiny bit more each time. I'm on painkillers right now, so I can't give Corinne any of the milk I've been producing. She started to eat (and by "eat", I mean injected directly into her stomach feeding tube) 2ccs of donated breastmilk today, mixed in with a special "high calorie" mix. In another 3-4 weeks or so, she'll be able to eat normally.

M left to go pick up my mom who flew into town tonight. I stayed in the NICU and pumped. However, the problem with the pump is that it is not a "hands-free" activity. Corinne started crying, but my hands were attached to each pump, so I couldn't go comfort her. That was emotionally hard. Just listening to her crying. She needed to be "contained". I learned that she calmed down as soon as her feet and hands were folded in on themselves, like they would be in the womb. Having free reign to flail around made her cry.

Some other pictures from today are below. A few things...she has Matt's eyes (right now, they are gray in color), my fingers and toes, Matt's hands/paws (seriously, those things are huge), my nose, and my color hair.