2013 Santa Fail

At least it was the free Bass Pro Shop Santa so I didn't have to pay for this awkward moment captured on film.

Santa was an epic fail, but at least Corinne enjoyed the fish tank there. 

A slice of hilarious

Let this serve as a warning to my children: whatever you text can and will be shared. Especially if it's inappropriate. Inappropriate just moves it into the sharing fast lane. 

Between my family/friends, and the friends that they shared this with, over 200 people viewed this text gone bad in less than an hour. 

This is a text with Jim, our contractor, today. 

Started out normal:

Then, I was awoken from a nap today by this text:

Because here in Georgia, if one can't have sex, then obviously they go hunting.  Logical. 

So after a few hours of debating the perfect reply (one suggestion was to wish him luck on his "Hunt or Cunt") amongst friends, I sent this reply:

His reply was almost instantaneous. I'm sure he had been biting his fingernails for the previous few hours wondering (hoping) it was lost in transmission.

At the suggestion of my mother, I put him out of his misery:

His face will be 50 shades of red tomorrow when he comes to lay my tile, I'm sure. 

15m

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BHPMywoAVU

Stairs. He's all about stairs right now. Loves going up and going down them. He slides down on his belly, same way he slides off chairs and couches. He tried to do the same method on our bed, but the distance was too high. He landed with a thud on his feet and then fell back out of surprise. 

But stairs are where the fun is. It's 8:18a and he's gone up and down them 8 times so far. But now he's moved onto his second favorite activity: opening and closing gates/cupboards/doors. 

Santa brought Corinne a gift early: a baby doll table. 

Evan loves it because it has cabinet doors he can open, slam, open, slam, open, slam ALL DAY LONG. 

He really likes to do it when Corinne is napping. 

He says: die (very odd, but he'll crawl around saying this all day...eerie), up (he really has this one down pat), hi, and a book. Not just "book". It's "a book". He'll also put a phone up to his ear and make a sound that sounds like "Hello". It comes out "ah-o?"

I'm packing up his 12m clothes and bringing out his size 18m clothes. He must have had a growth spurt because they now fit perfectly. He wears size 4 shoes and is still rocking the 4 teeth he's had forever, not adding anymore to the collection. 

He's started sleeping through the night. In the last week he slept through all the way about two nights and only got up once for 4 nights. However, the night before last he was up every 90 minutes. Oy.

He'll dance to music and will stand on his own for a few seconds very seldomly. I just don't see a drive in him to stand or walk. He's very content crawling everywhere and being held. I don't think he's going to walk until 2014. 

The Fridge

The only appliance more interesting than the dishwasher is the fridge. It's cold! There are things to grab! It's funny watching mom freak out when I bang a glass bottle of salsa on the floor! 

Good times.

The fridge had recently developed an unholy smell (traced to a package of raw chicken), so I set about cleaning the fridge to rid us of the smell which seemed to have permeated the walls. 

The only thing thing more fun than a fridge is a fridge you can climb INTO!

School Christmas Show

Last night was Corinne's Christmas show at her school. Her school goes from age 2 - 8th grade, so it was basically an elementary school performance. The preschool sang two songs first, followed by the Christmas show. 

Corinne was the only one who decided to sit down during it. And for good measure, she stuck her bottom lip out the whole time. But she did better than the super advanced "I'm only two, but I look and speak like a 4 year old." In her class who burst into tears halfway through and had to be escorted off by her mom. I'm not going to lie, seeing that made me feel a teensy bit better: My kid can't sing yet, but at least she can relax on stage.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHvBitukdXg

Did I mention she was the cutest kid there in her little precious Santa dress? Sometimes I just want to squeeze her and eat her she's so freaking cute

The delegator

I changed Corinne's diaper, wrapped it up and told her to go put it in the trash. 

Obviously she's been taking some courses in management, as she got about halfway to the trash can, then made a beeline for Evan. She gave him the diaper and told him "Trash". 

Evan is a poor employee. He didn't comply. His yearly review is going to suffer.

First Play

A local high was doing a musical production of The Little Mermaid, so I figured it was the perfect time to introduce Corinne to the world of fine arts. 

A friend and I double dated, me with Corinne, and she with her 4 year old daughter. We went to ihop for a fine dining experience first, then off to the play. I bought tickets online the week prior and reserved front center. I was hoping that the "in your face" action of being in the front row would help keep her entertained for 90 minutes. 

Unfortunately, the seats were the automatically folding ones, which means if Corinne sat back, the seat bottom would flip up and eat her. So she either had to sit on the edge or I had to hold down the edge for her. 

She did pretty well. After 75 minutes, her attention was waning so she happily went through my purse. That took just long enough for the play to finish. Success! 

She really liked clapping. She has that part down pat (pun intended).

Ownership

Corinne has recently become obsessed with the idea of ownership. 

As I'm folding laundry, she'll narrate who is the owner of each item of clothing. 

"Da"

"Ma"

"Eh-an"

It's funny when I'm emptying the dishwasher and she'll tell me who is the owner. Apparently M owns all the plastic cups and mugs. I own all the spatulas and a few plates. Evan owns all the sippy cups. Well, most. Corinne can't say her own name yet, but she very recently learned the word "mine". 

Now, I hear "mine mine mine MINE MINE waaaahhhhhh" multiple times a day. Because what's hers is hers and what is mine or M's or Evan's is also hers, if she feels like it. 

I've been having Evan sit in Corinne's high chair recently for meals, as he doesn't throw as much food for some reason in that chair. So I've been feeding Corinne at the coffee table or regular table. She's totally on board with that idea (food AND freedom?!?) until she sees Evan being placed in her high chair. 

"Mine mine MINE (insert tantrum)"

Santa is going to start scouting used kids' stuff places for a booster seat. I think it's time she starts sitting at the normal table. Then we can get rid of a high chair!

Who stinks?

While playing outside, I detected a not-so-fresh aroma. I asked "Which one of you stinks?"

Then Corinne sniffed Evan's butt and provided me with an answer:

Upon closer inspection, I realized she's a lying liar who lies. It was her. Her third dirty diaper of the day (!) Trying to pass it off on her little brother. Sneaky. 

She must get that skill from her father who tries to pass off his farts onto other people. 

Shopping trip

We've tried the kiddie cart before and it was a fail. But perhaps a corner has been turned. She actually did pretty well with it. No strangers' ankles or glass pasta sauce bottles were harmed in the process.

Then we went for a walk around the mall, and every flower had to be sniffed.

She was enamored by huge boobies:

And the fountain just begged to be splashed in. 

Sometimes my genius knows no bounds

Evan is on a "I'll feed myself" kick as of late. Fine for most food, except pouches, as he tends to squeeze the ever loving eff out of them which results in pouch guts decorating my floor, him, and usually the cat.

I had an epiphany last night: pouch in a bottle! It doesn't work for my "fill your own pouches" due to the wide top, but for the store bought ones, it works well!

Stuff the pouch into a bottle, screw on a collar, and voila: no mess pouch

14m

Evan has added "car" to his vocabulary. I don't know if he knows what it is, but when we ask him to say car, he says it. He will take a toy car, move it around and make the "vroom" sound. One guess of who he got that from. He'll also take a play phone, hold it up to his ear and say a word that sounds similar to "hello". Both he and Corinne do that. Which is funny because we don't have phones that we hold up to our ear and talk into.

Considering Corinne says it 62,192 times a day: "Dad? Shoes? Car? Dad? Shoes? Car?" I'm not surprised Evan picked up "car" from her. Next will be "shoes" to add to his "Da?" Sound. 

He likes to point at stuff and say "Da?" All.The.Time. Including at 4a. I will think I finally got him back down and then he pops up and says "Da?"

He dances on command, asks to be picked up by putting his hands in the air and saying "up?", gives high fives, "phones home" via E.T., waves and nods his head "yes" to every question posed. Before throwing food off the side of his tray, he'll shake his head "no" while he does it, because that's obviously the chain of events. It's interesting having a child who is developmentally on track in regards to language. Each time he does one of these things, I'm convinced that he's too young to and therefore must be the next Einstein. 

He has stood by himself a handful of times, but he really just prefers to be picked up, so any attempts to stand him up or finger walk with him end in failure as he'll fold like origami back down and ask "up?" I'd be surprised if he was walking by Christmas. He just doesn't have the drive. Being carried and crawling are plenty for him. 

Pedicure

Corinne got her first "home pedicure" today. First, we lotioned her feet (which she loved), then I cut her toenails (she wasn't a fan of this step), and lastly, applied some nail polish. 

At first I applied a barely there pink color to see how she would do and if she understood the "no touching until it's dry" concept. She totally got it, so then I put on another later of a darker pink. 

She's quite proud of her new toes. 

Halloween Costumes

Behold: Surf 'n Turf

Trunk or Treat

Living smack dab in the Bible Belt has its advantages: eager to put a Christain spin on historically pagan holidays, each church does their own version of "Trick or Treat" the weekend before Halloween. Where cars pop open their trunks in the   church parking lot and pass out candy to kids. There's usually food, bounce houses, prizes for costumes (including "Most Christain"...obviously an angel won). Perfect for a 2 year old. 

Saturday was "no nap Saturday", so as soon as we got in the car for the 7 minute drive, Corinne conked out. Which means that she was an unhappy camper when I woke her a few minutes later. She just wanted to be carried and did not find the prospect of going up to strangers for candy appealing. At this point, I was glad I left Evan at home (although I'm sure he would have won cutest costume...a lobster! I die) and could carry Corinne around. However, about 30-45 minutes and a bag of M+Ms later, she got the idea that if you go up to strangers, you got to pick candy. And eat it! Sadly, it was right around that time things were closing up, so she only got to truly enjoy begging for sugar for about 15 minutes. 

Have I mentioned that we perfected the "smile and say 'cheese'" face?

13 months

Evan is starting to cruise. He's a master puller-upper and has now started to shuffle next to the couch to get where he wants to be. If we're sitting on the couch, there is a 99.9% chance of an Evan head poking over the side of it. 

He loves the dishwasher and opening cabinets. He still loves to eat crayons, so I can only give Corinne one crayon at a time and then put it away when she's done or else Evan gets a snack. 

He is starting to shake his head yes or no in response to a question. I don't know if he truly understands the question, but his responses seems to indicate that he does. 

He will put his arms up and say "Up?" When he wants to be picked up. Which is a lot. 

He loves swinging, he does not like meatballs. 

Speech milestone

Corinne just said a two+ word sentence!

As she was on the steps chucking shoes down them for entertainment purposes, I had the audacity to remove her from said steps. As I did that, she said (screamed) "No Mommy No!"

Boom. Milestone met. 

Pumpkin Farm

Last Friday, I took the kids to a local farm that highlights different items, depending on the season. Currently: pumpkins.

 She searched for the perfect pumpkin. But these were 4 times the price of the grocery store ones, so we left them there.

Then she found some gourds that were more her size and picked out a few.

 During the wagon ride, Evan kept copping a feel of the leg belonging to a woman sitting next to him. She had a hole in the leg of her jeans that he ha a hard time keeping his fingers out of.

Smiling on command. Nope, that's a not a fake smile at all. Never. 

I delegated transportation duties to her. They lasted 3.2 seconds.

Corinne found a friendly horse to pet. At least I hoped it was friendly. Maybe it was hungry.

And some cows to "moo" at: